Mina: ” X Friend goes to basketball on Mondays, Girl Guides on Tuesdays, Netball on Wednesdays, dancing on Thursdays and gymnastics on Saturdays. Oh, and touch football on Saturdays”
Me: “Fark, when does the poor girl just get to be a kid?”
Mina: “On Tuesdays, before Girl Guides.”
Mr J (for the uninitiated, our almost-4-year-old middle child) is going through a slight language burst, where his vocabulary is quite broad, but his pronunciation of complex sounds can sometimes leave a lot to be desired. For example, he has difficulty with “Br” and “Fr” – and pronounces them as “W”.
Like all 3.5-4 year old boys (and 35-40 year old boys…), he also has a pre-occupation with his penis. I tend to just look away whilst he fondles himself without any regard for the fact that his mother can see him. Which, needless to say, is something I hope he grows out of.
His favourite character out of Pixar’s “Cars”, is Frank, the Combine Harvester (trust my kids to attach to the most obscure), which has made the purchase of the associated toy difficult.
Hello eBay. Yes, I found one.
I told him about it.
And, whilst fiddling with his penis, he proclaimed rather loudly in the bathroom that Mum had bought him his very own “Wank toy”.
“Like you need any help.”
Naturally, I got a blank stare, because my children don’t appreciate how utterly brilliant and funny their mother is.
Acquire a 3.5 year old son. This might take some time if you don’t have a son already.
Put Cars on for him in a desperate attempt to allow yourself to get some work done. (Yes, I am the best parent ever and should totally write a parenting manual involving DVDs and marshmallow bribes).
Rinse and repeat. 36,000 times.
Pixar movies are wonderfully written, beautifully animated and as a Pixar fan-girl, must admit that I thought I would never tire of their films. But IF I HAVE TO WATCH LIGHTNING-FUCKING-MCQUEEN ONE MORE TIME I AM GOING TO TOP MYSELF.
That is all.
Mr J: “Mum, I have superpowers but they’re broken”
Me (feigning sympathy): “oh, that’s no good. How can you get them back?”
Mr J: “I need to fix them”
Mr J: “With my tools!”
Me: “Where are your tools?”
Mr J: “In my toolbox!”
Me: “Where is your toolbox?”
Mr J: “IN MY PANTS!”
Jason: “How come Mina gets so many parties? She’s had more than I have in my whole life.”
Lou: “heh, I dunno… last year didn’t really count as a party… but you can have one this year if you want one.”
Jason: “Yeah, I WILL. I am going to invite ALL my friends to my awesome party.”
Mina: “But you don’t have any friends!!”
Jason: “I will invite all my Facebook friends.”
Mina: “Don’t be silly, Facebook friends aren’t real friends”.
This kid is SEVEN YEARS OLD.
We were watching some weird Hippo-related animation that was making fun of a donut eating hippo that hides in the water so as not to dry out his skin, then has a facial mask and weirdness.
Jason: “No wonder they’re so grumpy”
Me: “Yeah, I’d hate it if I had to lay around avoiding the sun all day”
Jason: “What do you mean? You do!”
I gets no respect.
Between Jason, Mina and Me:
Jason: “Well, you never know, Mina could just end up a HOUSEWIFE. Would you like that, Mina?”
Mina: “hmmm…. no!”
Me: “No, you want to be a big business lady like me, don’t you?”
Mina: “Well, no, not a fat one!”
I’ll tell you again, I gets no respect.