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Pissing off the right people. For the right reasons.

by admin on July 28, 2011 in , , , with No comments

This week, I had a realisation.

Some people don’t like me. In fact, there are some people out there that hate my guts.

That wasn’t the realisation part… I mean… I have been blogging since before the word ‘blog’ was a word. I have been a ‘figure’ on the internet for longer than that. And I have always attracted my fair share of detractors. I polarise. That’s no mystery. I do it on purpose.

The realisation for me, is that there are people who don’t like me… and I am OK with it.

My friend sent me a link to this little tidbit and it affirmed what I had suspected: attracting hate is as much a part of having a profile online as attracting praise. It simply goes with the territory. I don’t attract any more or any less hatred than anyone else who puts themselves out there. In fact, as worried as I was about the iPad stunt drawing lots of negative attention… it didn’t. The response was overwhelmingly positive. The only real trolling I got was from people who… follow me around to troll me.

I have always been interested in the psychology of bullying. There are a lot of people I don’t respect. There are a lot of people I have no time for, because, let’s be honest… there are people who are a waste of space and oxygen. But they are also a waste of my energy, so I don’t bother. And I certainly don’t have time to be following them online just to harass them!

To be that motivated by hate has to come from somewhere. Good ol’ Wikipedia summarises it best. Their behaviour is not about me. It’s about what I bring out in others. They hate my caricature. They hate my persona.

They can’t possibly hate me, the person, because they don’t know me.

It’s a liberating thought.

I have always set out to piss people off a little. The Perth Business “networking” scene is very conservative. Say the word “cunt” and they’re all of a dither. I once presented at a Social Media Panel for these people… and all they could fixate on was the language. I was asked how I “get away with swearing online”. Yeah. I was asked that and I am still gobsmacked by it.

The conformists struggle to get that one can be clever and also swear. And one can also use those words deliberately. And the fact that they are so focused on the words, rather than the intent, just goes to show how they really… just don’t get it. Much like those who thought the iPad thing was about me wanting a husband. Let’s be honest… they’re not bright people.

I say the things I do primarily to get a response. It is a predictable and measured response. The number of times I have been told, condescendingly, to “behave”… that’s just not what I do. I am happy to alienate those who are that superficial, or conformist, or even that dumb. I am happy not fitting into the Perth Business clique. I believe that these ideas about “behaving” or “shutting up” or “not making waves”… have strong sexist overtones. And, as a feminist and a philosopher… “behaving” is just not compatible with those core views.

I love Germaine Greer. And Gloria Steinhem. And Nellie McKay. And George Carlin. And Doug Stanhope. And Ricky Gervais. They push the right buttons and all have their haters as a result. If I can produce something that is even 1% of the influence these people have had on me, pissing a few people off is worth it. Because, like them, I enjoy the rise I get out of those I deliberately poke. Because their attitudes are oppressive.

Carlin, Stanhope, Greer… all have people who LOVE them. And people who HATE them. Very few people are indifferent about them. And they have all caused, in some way, revolutionary change despite having vast number of people who hate them.

There are people who hate Oprah Winfrey. There are people who hated Mother Teresa, for fuck’s sake.

I am not likening myself to Oprah or Mother Teresa. Because that’s just retarded. But, I am highlighting the fact that anyone who has ever stood up for anything, attracts hatred from the status quo. Even on a small scale.

So, my realisation is that my number of detractors is as much a reflection of my success as are those who say nice things.I can’t remember if it was Greer or Steinhem who said that receiving death threats is a sign you are a threat to the establishment… but on some level this applies. I consciously piss off the right people. And they are most welcome to sit around, slagging me off at Media140 Perth (ironically, while I am all over the media for proving the strength of social media). Because it comes back to me. And I laugh at the small mindedness. And I know that there are people there who know me, get me and laugh at it.

Because, the fact that people are talking about me at all, positively or negatively, is a sign that I am making an impact. And ultimately, reflects badly on those whose time in power is running out. Technology is killing the top-down control of people. A big portion of corporate board time is mistakenly asking the question “HOW CAN WE CONTROL PEOPLE”. It’s dying.

I like to think that eventually there will be a world where ridiculous notions of “behaving” to fit in will die. PR spin will die. People’s humanity, and honesty will be taken as something to be celebrated rather than suppressed. We all poo. We all fart. Stop treating humanity as a character flaw. And then maybe, we can actually stop with the bullshit. Stop firing someone for having a few drinks and tweeting when they are off the clock. Stop being so goddamn afraid of your boss. That’s truly revolutionary.

If I can contribute just a little to breaking down these ridiculous structures, and remind people that it is OK to express yourself… then I am OK with being hated.

All the fun people have haters, and it’s more about accepting that as a part of having an opinion.

On not giving a fuck for 5 years.

by admin on July 21, 2011 in , , with No comments

Because of the craziness of the last week, I have only just gotten around to this post. 5 years ago this week, I nearly died. Like, seriously, pale-faced-ICU-Consultant-preparing-my-husband-for-the-worst kind of “almost died”.Not your “I skidded my car and my life flashed before my eyes” almost died – like – my body was battling sepsis and I was on a ventilator and I was given 24 hours to turn around before thinking about plugs and stuff kind of “nearly died”.

Everything changed within in me from that point. I woke up, had a long recovery, and still have the battle scars, but I see it as a blessing. Because, from that moment, I started to see the rest of my life as a second chance, and to live as if I was on borrowed time.

Of course, it’s one thing to believe it and another to actually do it. A couple of months ago I was sent this blog entry. It hit me in the guts, because it really is something that EVERYONE should read, and try to live their life by.

Of course, it would be irresponsible to not give a fuck about anything, and is kind of not the point. The point is to give a fuck about things that actually matter, and not get distracted by the stupid, petty and negative distractions that compete for… my “fuck” resources.

The main change has been in my tolerance for superficiality, or conformity, or being afraid of making waves for telling the truth as I see it. Oh, how many times I have been told that I would be a “star” or “more successful” if I would toe the line, not swear, not make waves. In Perth, there is a corporate culture and an expectation that you don’t make waves. You most certainly do not, under any circumstances, speak your mind. You must suck the proverbial dick of those in authority… especially if you are a woman. But this is fool’s gold. I don’t want to be a “star”, and money is just a means of attaining the freedom to do what I want to do.

What is a bank balance without people who love you?

What is a job title if you had to be someone else to get it?

What is a life without… actually living?

Is a good parent a dutiful parent? Or is it a parent who models to their children how to have healthy relationships, and how to live a life without regret?

My definition of “success” is different to other peoples, and I am actually living successfully… as I define it.

I am truthful. I love deeply, even if I am not great at showing it. I learn from my mistakes… and… as a parent, I do my best. I am happy to take on idiots or speak out against injustice. I take risks.

And yes, I constantly suppress that voice that tells me to conform for conformity’s sake. Because I am not afraid. I have faced the thing that most people fear most, which is a premature death, without seeing my children grow up.

What have I learned from this? That a lot of the fears that hold us back are just a construct. Everything has a way of working itself out. When I posted the “iPadofLove” competition, it was not out of narcissism, or for money, or fame… it was purely for my own sense of adventure and curiosity. People find me challenging and frustrating because of this. One person in particular feels the need to ‘counsel’ me on how to behave and become a fame whore like him. Because he assumes I want what he so desperately desires (fame). I don’t.

  • I only do jobs I want to do, and work with people I want to work with.
  • I only care what those who are close to me think of me.
  • I am a good mother to my children.
  • I work hard.
  • I believe in a ‘great love’ and I am looking for it and am willing to put in the work to make it a reality. However, I am also happy if it doesn’t happen, because I am a fulfilled person in my own right.
  • I take time to appreciate the smallest of things, and get excited about the big things.

Don’t be afraid. Stop giving a fuck. Because when you’re dead, that’s it. There is nothing left except your legacy. And no-one ever wants to have a eulogy that reads “paid all their bills on time, worked the same job for 50 years and acquired an investment property”. At least, I don’t.

I want a legacy that makes people laugh when they think of the shit I have pulled and stuff I have said. I want people to see that everything I have ever done has been in the spirit of adventure, honesty to the point of being brutal, and not letting “life” get me down. I want people to see that, maybe, I gave it a shot and even though I might not get it right all the time, that my intentions were always good.

And if I chose not to engage with you, that yeah, you were probably a bit of a dickhead… and… I don’t really have time for that.

So much time is spent on pointless negativity, and people will always try to drag you into it. When you anonymously troll a blog, or have internet wars, or waste your time with petty fallouts with people… that is a wasted life. And that is why I feel sorry for people who engage in that. Similarly, people who use other people as a means of getting ahead themselves… or people that are cruel to animals or children. How… utterly pointless it all is.

Do some good. But the kind of ‘good’ that actually matters. Not merely by living a compliant life, filled with rules, and fear, and worry about what others might think, but by being brave. Try not giving a fuck. You may find it liberating.

You may be surprised.