All posts in Social Media

Remember: Words Have Power. And sympathy is not empathy.

by admin on September 2, 2012 in , , , with No comments

Yes, I know. Another Charlotte Dawson post. Another social media person making commentary in order to get some Google Juice. Another person who has been the victim of online harassment speaking out. Another person sharing their story.

I know you’re fatigued with the discussion, because so much has been said already, but hear me out. Because whilst Charlotte Dawson’s Twitter bullying saga, landing her in hospital, and subsequently in the mainstream press, has been done to death, there is something I want to say about it.

There seem to be two, rather polarised, camps on the events of last week. The first, in Charlotte’s defence:

  • Decrying the bullies (and “trolls” being lumped in for good measure);
  • Calling for harsher legal consequences for online behaviour;
  • Calling this a feminist issue, where “strong” women are frequently targeted online with vicious attacks;
  • Criticism of telling a person, who has openly battled depression and lost a partner to suicide, to kill themselves (and rightly so).
  • That to criticise Dawson’s own contribution to the events that unfolded, is ‘victim-blaming’;
  • Commenting on the bigger picture of violent behaviour online, that stalkers are a very real problem for ‘celebrities’, and that you cannot understand unless you are in that position.

The second camp, are not terribly sympathetic of Dawson’s situation, and:

  • Say she is a troll herself, and therefore deserved everything she got;
  • Say that as a public figure she needs a thicker skin;
  • Say that she needs to disengage and detach from it, and accept that this is ‘how it works’ online;
  • Say that Dawson contacting the girl’s employer (a University), means that she was the one to overstep first;
  • “Don’t Feed the Trolls”;
  • Defending the definitions of harassment vs trolling (which are very different things, with different intent) and expressing concern that people who provoke for a bit of fun are going to be labelled “bullies” and hauled through court for “harassment” (a valid concern).

I think I have summarised most of the commentary, aside from the extreme , that my peers, the media, other commentators & friends have said over the last few days. I took a few days to really digest what was going on, and how I can provide some original thought on this subject that has been done to death… and I am still firmly… empathetic. More on that in a moment.

My point is, that despite people being polarised in their support (or lack thereof) of Charlotte Dawson, every single one of those points above… is true. It is all true. They are all factors in a complex issue, where… there are no absolutes, no right, no wrong. And as such, because I am still on the fence and believe that everyone has a legitimate point to make, I am going to recount some personal experience to try and make a broader point.

Like most people who are active on Twitter, I witnessed the incident in question. Honestly, when all the hubris hit, my immediate thoughts were that Charlotte Dawson was handling this… like a bit of a n00b. We’ve all done it. We knew it would happen eventually – you provoke the wrong person and BLAMMO. So when things got nasty, I honestly did not expect things to go the way they did. Because as you and I both know, Internet, a bit of fisticuffs is something that kind of goes with the territory.

  • It goes with the territory of being a public figure.
  • It goes with the territory of being online.
  • It goes with the territory of being a woman online.
  • It goes with the territory of having an opinion, on anything, ever, on the internet.
  • It also absolutely sucks balls when you are subject to an attack, particularly when you are battling with depression and suicidal thoughts on top of it.

Thing is, this stuff doesn’t just happen to celebrities. It happens every single day to ordinary people. It happened to me. It has happened to friends. I have had escalations and vicious attacks online that are certainly not for the faint hearted – ranging from a bit of rivalry & heated debate, to being systematically targeted by packs, to doing something I never thought I would and make a Police complaint & file an AVO.

Now, you all know by now, that I am not exactly innocent. I have been part of communities well-known for their snark and sarcasm, enjoy a bit of a playful poke and have built (and benefited from) a persona that is dry, sarcastic and snarky. I only ever target people who I think can either take it, ‘get it’, or are fair game (e.g. Reality TV show contestants & celebrities).

One of whom, has been Charlotte Dawson, who did one of her famous “RT the “bully”" things on me, on a fairly innocent-in-context remark, with NO opportunity for correction or recourse. To 30,000 Followers. It was a joke, during the Celebrity Apprentice, about a caricature. Not a real person. I said it. I own it. And I probably deserved it. But I don’t know that her response was entirely fair given the context. She was on Celebrity Apprentice, for fuck’s sake.

However, because I am a reasonable and fairly reflective sort, I learned from it. It made me think for a while about the role that sarcasm and snark, under the guise of “funny”, can hurt people, even if it isn’t my intent.

So, yes, in short, over the years, I have been complicit in some things I regret. Usually as a result of a misunderstanding (a big downside to relying on sarcasm rather than wit), sometimes because I saw bullying and harassment of others and didn’t speak out, because I knew that I would then become a target.

I have also been the target of harassment. I always intellectually knew that it wasn’t me, a real person, but my caricature, they were targeting (something that Dawson could actually try to understand). But, I have also struggled with an anxiety disorder for the better part of 20 years. On the good days, I can take it and dish it out. But on the bad days… it can be enough to push me over the edge. And quite literally, it did when I had a complete breakdown in 2010, partially as a result of Twitter abuse that escalated into full blown harassment. It wasn’t pretty. Claims about me as a mother in my most vulnerable time post-separation. Being called things that noone, ever, should ever call another human being (and remember… I defend the C word…). Of course, the abuse was not the only thing. It was not the cause of my breakdown. But to deny that it wasn’t at least a significant contributor, well, that would be a lie.

I don’t really talk about it. I let people think I was OK. But, I was terrorised. There is no other way to describe it other than… terror. Not just the self-inflicted terror of having a Formspring account (which I deleted quickly in an attempt to ‘ignore the trolls’), but absolute terror at logging onto my email, to work, to see what had landed in my inbox. Terror at checking my voicemails because I was getting abusive messages. Terror at even going online in case another well-meaning friend decided to tell me what was being said about me by those I had blocked.

I haven’t really talked about it till now. Because I was afraid. I am still a little afraid, to be honest. So, then, to try and preserve my sanity and emotional state, I completely deleted my blog, that I had been writing on for 7 years. I deleted my Twitter account & my Facebook account. I even contemplated (and trialled) changing my name at one point, just so I could do my job and be left alone. I was forced into virtual reclusion.

Bullying is not as simple as ignoring it when it escalates to that point. This is not a couple of negative responses. This is relentless. They follow you. You CAN’T just block it without taking napalm to your entire online life. Luckily for me, after 6 months, it settled down and I was able to rebuild my online profiles again. It briefly resurfaced, during the iPad thing, but… thankfully I was less psychologically vulnerable at that time and could take it.

I have been where Charlotte Dawson is, on a smaller scale, and It. Was. Fucking. Horrible.

And, like her, I have said things I regret, or crossed a boundary. Some may even believe that I deserve everything I get. I make no excuses, and have recently decided to reduce the role that negativity and sarcasm has in my life, and in the way I communicate. I have learned this the hard way. My point is not that I didn’t contribute to it, or to justify myself or look like a victim, or even to try and defend Charlotte Dawson, but to highlight the very real impact that these things can have on your psyche when you already struggle to begin with.

There is a difference between being sympathetic and showing empathy. I for one feel tremendous empathy for Charlotte Dawson right now. Even if I don’t have a whole lot of sympathy for her actions. It is unfortunate that she has had to learn the hard way, and I hope that, rather than play victim and deflect all of the blame, she does at least acknowledge her role in it, and try to… be better. Engage positively. Lose the snark. Lose the sarcasm. It hurts people and you know what? It hurts people.

And yeah, you may just tick off the wrong person one day.

Learn from this.

Peace.

Just roll with it.

by admin on January 19, 2012 in , , with No comments

I am a “public figure”. And you are too. We are all public figures and it’s changing the world.

In 2012 – in the age where private citizens are all living publicly through social media, we all have to navigate our way through the private/public divide. It’s weird, because, as my “profile” increases, I have had to grapple internally with the idea that what I say… actually matters. And that I have reached a point where I now have to play by a different set of rules.

Yesterday, I had a conversation with my ex-husband about what I say online. Like most people navigating through a break-up, we (I) have said things via social media (in the heat of the moment) that were not very nice. For the most part, I think we do OK, and we decided to mutually unfollow, unfriend… and move on. And for the most part, that works.

The other day, I called him a dickhead on Twitter.

It’s innocuous enough, right? I mean, people get called a dickhead every day on the internet. Hell, people call me a dickhead (and worse) on a daily basis! Almost everyone who shares on social media has done a heat-of-the-moment update… especially during a break-up. It’s certainly something most people I know have been guilty of from time to time.

But they aren’t me. Something has shifted where suddenly, I am held to a different standard. I don’t understand it, and I actually grapple with it a lot… but… I guess I have had to accept it.

When he initially raised it, I laughed. It seemed absurd that he would be so precious about it. Because he knows that 99% of the time, I don’t think he’s a dickhead. In fact, I think he’s a good person, a wonderful father and we are trying very hard to get along for the sake of our children. We don’t follow each other, we stay out of each other’s way for the most part, and the crux of my defence? How on earth is he reading it if we aren’t following each other?

He then said something that made me finally get it.

“Do you not realise you are everywhere?”

It was at that moment that I apologised.

Because, no, even though, intellectually, I know my Klout Score and see my blog stats and all those things… but… no… I don’t. I am just this person with a Twitter account who has always just tweeted like 5 people are reading. And now I find myself having to abide by a different code to others.

The reason I am talking about this discussion is not to justify my actions, rather to illustrate my main point.

There comes a tipping point between private citizen, chatting on the net… and “public” commentator. It’s something I have not yet reconciled, and up until recently, have seen it as a mere side effect of being opinionated. I’ve been blogging for 10 years. Writing on the internet for almost 20 years. I am doing now what I have always done, which is… just… write for my circle.

In 2012, however, things are changing. What I write spreads. And spreads quickly. No kidding… I get recognised on the street! What I say, more often than not, incites people to act, think… hold an opinion. It’s the nature of “influence”. It’s actually quite terrifying to think about, because (until recently) I have never actively sought influence, or recognition beyond my immediate circle… others just decided to listen along the way, to the point where I now represent a community.

It’s bizarre. I polarise, I have fans, I have haters. I get complimented & more smoke blown up my arse than many would want in a lifetime. I get insulted, I have had people stalk and physically threaten me. Even when people aren’t talking to me, they are talking about me: mostly positive, sometimes negative – most of it completely baseless (because… I really only have 3 close people who know anything about me, really…)… but…

My ex is right. Who wouldn’t be upset if they were called a dickhead by someone in my position? Where everyone in Perth, and beyond, had a picture of who he was based on shit that I have said in the moment?

It’s a really tough issue that I have not entirely reconciled within myself. That line between the sharing of my life that gave me this influence (after all, our married life was a big part of the content of this blog for 8 years!)… and realising that I also have a responsibility now, as a public figure, to behave differently.

Being held to a different set of standards to the “general population” is not necessarily a bad thing. It makes me want to do better and try to lead by example. Part of that involves now trying to avoid collateral damage in my personal relationships. Anyone that I date, marry, whatever, will be subjected to all of this… stuff. It’s weird, for sure… and it has taken me a while to even acknowledge that people listen to what I say. But it’s actually very difficult to be under the scrutiny of strangers, and even harder to know and accept that there are people that hate you.

Of course, it goes with the territory and I am certainly not complaining about it. But, for those who have tried to feed conflict in my personal relationships – think about things you have said online. And think about what would happen if people actually started reading it, picking it apart. Acting on it. It’s not an easy responsibility to have (especially when you don’t even realise people DO read).

I guess the first step is to acknowledge that there are different rules from now on, and try to still be the character people relate to. I’m trying to deal with this as best I can… and the first step is to apologise. And be more aware of the power my words have. Which is fucking AWESOME. I am so lucky. But, I need to do better.

Social Media is… storytelling.

by admin on November 14, 2011 in , , , with No comments

For those who have read my blog for a while, you may be aware that, despite working in the social media field as a strategist, and being a fan of Brian Solis and all the others who talk about “Engagement”… and often use those as part of my own work, to try and get corporations to take Social Media seriously…

You want to know what Social Media is for me?

Stories.

Sharing those stories, hearing those stories, living.

This video caught my attention over the weekend.

Try and watch that video without completely losing your shit. I dare you.

Furthermore, this is just one video. Of millions. Of people putting themselves out there, sharing their stories with the hope of maybe, saving just one other person from not having to live through the pain that they have.

That is truly revolutionary.

We often joke about Facebook and Twitter overshare. Lamebook is one of the funniest showcases of humanity at its… um… finest.

But you know? How cool is it?

I remember back in 2009, when I posted the letter I had written to my doctor detailing all of my symptoms and requesting action. At the time, I thought I might have had Cushing’s… turned out to be boring old Lupus.

But that letter? It inspired someone else to write one to THEIR Doctor and they got their diagnosis and treatment.

When I write about my struggles with various things like Lupus, the death of a loved one and the grief afterwards… or my divorce… the feedback I get is tremendous. I get emails saying how me writing about the end of my marriage has given someone else the courage to leave. I have had emails from other people who have told me that my blogging through palliative care and death has helped them cope a little better. Or how talking about my “invisible” illness has made them feel less alone.

And it’s all just one post. One story. And one video, like the one above.

So yes, by all means talk about marketing. Talk about engagement. Talk about ways to capitalise on social media. But don’t forget that the personal stories are what make this time truly revolutionary.

The Klouts and the Doodles – in bed?

by admin on October 30, 2011 in , , , with No comments

I am a little suspicious about changes to Klout's assessment of influence. Maybe I just think like a strategist/politician, and it may even be a little cynical/conspiracy theorist… but…

Let's say you are a Social Network. Not naming names, let's call it Doodle.

Let's say, there is a cool (albeit not terribly transparent or predictable) measure of social media influence that everyone in the industry monitors. Yes, any clever person uses a number of metrics, and there are plenty of tools that measure varying degrees of social media 'success'… but yours seems to be the one that people watch more than others.

Let's say your Doodle is a new player, with the weight of a global corporation behind it. With very clever strategists, excellent UI, and a loyal following/early adopter uptake, but is struggling to carve it's niche in a highly competitive market for hearts, minds, and advertising eyes.

It would be in your Doodle's interests to make sure that everyone who considers said influence tool, feels that, despite their reservations about your Doodle, are not fully on board.

What do you do?

You lobby.

You take them out to lunch. You woo. You, as the strategist, want to make uptake of your Doodle unavoidable in order to maintain said influence on that network.

Let's also say that you have a business social network. Let's say that there are people on there who have direct access to a lot of C-Levels within Corporations. It would be in your interest to have influence weighted based on the "level" of contacts as well as the number.

Now, I am not going to go so far as to accuse anyone of uneven weighting or collusions… but I have observed a marked disparity, across networks, and across locations in how Klout measure "influence".

It could be as simple as opening it up and being transparent, and trying to emulate real world networks rather than just volume, replies, and shares.

But, it's not a giant leap to think that there may be lots of "wooing" going on behind the scenes either, in the social media platform wars, to use Klout as a means of deciding where to post your content for maximum effect… possibly at the exclusion of other massive, popular networks.

Anyone in our game who would ask for advice on how to get greater penetration in the social media game… would advise them to take Klout out to lunch. Or possibly even do deals that, effectively weight the "influence" algorithms in favour of your network.

Thoughts? #wp

You Really Want to Know?

by admin on September 15, 2011 in , , , with No comments

I just want to say a few things about the ridiculous RUOK Campaign.

Despite the best of intentions, unless you are prepared for the following answer:

“No, actually, I am not OK. My life has fed me a shit sandwich since the day I was born and it continues to get worse. The only reason I stick around is because I am too determined to not let my piece of shit life defeat me.”

or

“No, I think about ending my life every single day”.

or

“No, I need your help.”

Seriously? Don’t ask.

If you are not prepared to pay $100 an hour for a Psychologist, or are not prepared to pay their bills and feed their cat when they are hospitalised…

If you are not prepared to have someone break down in front of you.

If you don’t really know someone very well.

Then back the fuck off.

It’s a nice thought, really, but are you equipped to deal with the answer?

Have you experienced our mental health system lately?

The help isn’t there. Not really. Funding is cut to mental health services. No one gets support when recovering. Not really. We still have to work, pay bills, prioritise our days, parent… we all have to cope.

I agree that suffering in silence is a big, big problem. But sometimes, not talking about it helps you to just get through one more day, without losing your shit entirely.

If you have ever sat in a Psychologist’s office, you will know the power of the question “How are you?”. It’s a big responsibility to ask that question. It is not something that should be done without serious consideration. And training.

I know they mean well. But… this is serious stuff. Reducing Psychology into water cooler conversation is the height of irresponsibility and recklessness.

I absolutely LOVE this.

by admin on September 12, 2011 in , , with No comments

Nancy Upton. Entrant of the American Apparel “Next Big Thing” Model competition… totally pwned them. Her pictures involved her, as a very beautiful US Size 12… cavorting with chocolate sauce, ranch dressing and a cherry pie.

This is quality, quality LOLs with a very fierce statement.

Good on you Nancy. I love it.

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